ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
