i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
