I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
