Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
