i would punch a child for taco bell
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
