Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize