Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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