You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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