we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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