I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
