There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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