i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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