Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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