Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize