He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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