Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
