I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
