Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What a dumb baby whore.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
