How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
