conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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