ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize