I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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