Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
