so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize