I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
