overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
