Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
