Michael Bay diarrhea
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Who died my cat blue again?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
