bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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