some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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