sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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