i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I know her cup size but not her name....
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