Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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