I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
