Got a toothbrush?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
