I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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