I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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