I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
