Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize