this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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