I think I am morally bankrupt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
