yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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