he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
