4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
