some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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