Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
