eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He has the fingertips of a God
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