Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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