at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
