you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize