you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
