wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
