Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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