there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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