I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
