I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
