The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
