every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
