i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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