Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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