She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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