forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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