i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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