Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
