I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
